When you get a divorce but it’s not a divorce

Wow. Okay 2020 you really did it big.

I always said if we ever split up I’d remain calm and I’m the complete opposite. I’m hysterical and mad. I feel so filled with anger and I can’t do anything with it.

My mind is racing with what next step I should take to create a new vision for my life but then I turn around and cry every 30 minutes. I don’t see how this will get better, being alone, anytime soon.

I think all I can do right now is actually feel everything and know what I did wrong. And go through all the stuff. It’s amazing how much two people can accumulate in 8 years.

When people say they want to numb their pain…I get it. I get it.

When everything feels out of control

Everything felt out of control. My kids had to be homeschooled, I have school, two jobs, my relationship was on its last thread, my house was a disaster, Covid19 hit and Asian hornets swept the internet.

During the last couple of months I didn’t feel any inspiration to write. I cried a lot. I painted and just tried to keep my eye on the future. Take it day by day. Cry some more. I had to really evaluate some sides of me I didn’t like and change.

Some things have gotten better. My relationship is healing still. I paid off my credit cards, paid over $1,000 to my student loans and have $1,700 in savings. I also have been partaking in renovating our apartment as a lot of other people. Even with everything feeling out of control for awhile I still can’t out okay. Nothing is perfect and I can’t say I know what is going to happen.

My financial goals haven’t changed and I’m exceptionally pumped for the next couple of years as I enter my last year of college. Here’s to the journey 🥂

March budget

My anxiety went down towards the end of February but as I’m looking into March I’m feeling anxious about getting my loans and credit cards paid off. I think the feeling is coming from not being able to put more to them so I’m out of debt sooner and saving more money.

March 2020 budget

My goals for March are to pay $300 on my student loans and fully pay off and cancel our Capitol One credit card. Paying off the Capitol One will be really tight but I’m confident. My last goal depends on me getting my stipend. I’d like to open a savings account to start our emergency fund to keep us out of the credit card cycle.

Let me know what your goals are for March 😁

Is this what living like no one else feels like?

I’m really wondering if this is what Dave Ramsey was talking about regarding, “ living like no one else so you can live like no one else.” We’re driving in a car that is showing signs of problems, the window fell so there’s plastic over it, and one other car is in the shop again. Also, our daughter grew out of her shoes like overnight.

On top of that we’re exhausted from school, work, and all other things household. I personally need a staycation and a plate of pasta. ✌🏻🍝

Budget update: should the largest or smallest debt be tackled?

I have felt like I’ve failed my pursuit of paying down debt because our car has kept going out of commission. I’ve paid and re-maxed out a card because we have no emergency fund. I’m changing how I’m paying down my debt with the following: my second job will be used for paying down the credit cards. My main job will be used for paying down my student loans.

I want to try this method in hopes it gives me the satisfaction of paying off both sections of debt. I believe this could be the key to anyone’s success because each of us are different with what energizes is or gives us satisfaction. The smallest debt attack may not be what works for me so I need to try attacking the largest.

The Millionaire Next Door by Thomas J. Stanley, Ph. D and William D. Danko, Ph.D

Attacking debt makes you figure out a layer of yourself you may have never delved into. I think trying every avenue is key to becoming debt free.

Also currently reading Millionaire Next Door. I’m not always a fan of a bunch of data but this is really interesting and informative when it comes to me wanting to invest/ determining if I really need those $200 vegan leather boots. P.S. scored leather booties in great condition at Goodwill for $3.99. 💵

Exploding My Money Fears

For over several years I have felt the anxiety and pressure to perform well at work take its toll on my body. I have felt physically ill because I knew I had to meet a certain standard for production, quality etc as most jobs have employees do. After reading the first lesson of Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki I realized I didn’t take the time to make money work for me in any of the places I’ve been employed at. I’ve kept my head down and focused on getting a paycheck to pay my bills. I’m still a recovering shopaholic of thrift stores and Target 🎯 dollar section, which sent me into overdraft fees that could of been avoided.

The Target dollar section and any clearance sucked my money up for years.

Within the last six months I have focused on slowing down to mainly ease my anxiety at work. Now, I’m seeing I can also use that to discover different avenues of learning and opportunities. I fit financial and business podcasts in often and soak up information as I’m working. I can take small classes about business and finances at work also. I’ve never been one to be outspoken on ideas unless it was with close friends. I’m not sure what ideas I can conjure up from the workplace and if I’m being completely honest I’m a little nervous.

I’m not going to say I’ve had a complete epiphany but I did get a sense of passion from this book so far. I can see this benefiting how I teach my daughters about money in the near future.

Invest in your financial intelligence

Weekly menu: simple is what we need

Bean and cheese quesadilla with homemade Mexican rice

Our family life has felt like it’s been hit hard with me working both jobs, housework, homework, kid’s homework, a lice outbreak (We did a treatment just to be safe) , my boyfriend’s homework and trying to get the car back in the shop. I realized I cannot be stressing about cooking and that led me to a simple two week menu. (It’s literally the basics)

  • Eggs, toast, and sausage
  • Annie’s Mac and cheese shells
  • Hamburger Alfredo bake
  • Spaghetti
  • Breakfast quesadillas
  • Bean and cheese quesadillas with homemade Mexican rice
  • Baked ziti with vodka sauce

We basically kept recycling quesadillas in our menu. If anyone has creative cheap meals that take little to no effort then I’m all ears. With our busy schedules I’m keeping my time in the kitchen as low as possible to spend more time with our kids. Especially our oldest daughter as she needs extra help with pronouncing and spelling words.

Hectic Seasons Brings Re-evaluation

My life has changed so drastically over the last 4 years to where I’ve had to make several changes in my schedule. I went from making a hot dinner every night to relying on quick meals. (frozen, sandwiches, quesadillas) And when the girls started school they had to go to bed earlier which left less time with them. I had to choose my battles and what felt important. Making a hot dinner EVERY night is just not one of them right now. I’m okay admitting that. I want to leave more time with my kids and school work then cooking, doing laundry, and deep cleaning every night.

Having two jobs, University, my boyfriend going to College and kids makes you change how you do daily activities. If there are any other individuals juggling multiple things you DO NOT have to feel pressured to make everything run PERFECTLY. I spent this last weekend laying on the couch because I was sick. (I still had to force myself to do nothing) I knew in order to be okay this week I had to just lay down and reset my body.

Our seasons are constantly changing and I know this season will not last forever. I’m simply trying to enjoy our crazy schedule to make a more financially free life.

To My Daughter: Your Curls Are Beautiful

From when I was a little girl I didn’t like how I looked. I remember thinking I want to be white with blonde hair. There were Mexicans in our town but I still felt so out of place. Curly hair wasn’t seen a ton from my perspective. Also, if you did wear your hair naturally curly you were left with sticky hard curls. (L.a. Looks Gel, anyone?) Then I got my first straightener at 15. Everyone LOVED my straight hair… so I never wanted to wear it natural. I curled and straightened my hair everyday unless I knew I wasn’t leaving. (Did that insecurity make boys like me? No. 😂 )

Before the Big Chop

I started my curly hair journey in April of 2019 when my oldest daughter wanted me to straighten her hair for four days in a row. Two things: 1. She has beautiful ringlets. 2. She was 5. A five year old shouldn’t feel like she needs to straighten her hair to be seen as presentable. When I say presentable I’m referring to a few individuals flat out saying her hair was messy when I put product in and scrunched her hair. Her five year old mind took that statement and felt less than. I wasn’t having it any longer. (Yes, I sobbed like a baby.)

In the past year I’ve straightened or curled my hair with the flat iron four or five times. My oldest daughter hasn’t asked me to straighten her hair and we praise our curls every time we style them. Within this past year I also did a big chop. I’m in love with my curls and love not having a HUGE frizzy mess like before.

Going on this journey required a lot of patience and some vision. My curls look different shorter than longer and I did have to try a good array of products.

I’m so thankful there is more information about curly and wavy hair products and care so my daughter can grow up appreciating her curls and being confident in herself.

After the Big Chop

Planting the Decluttering Seed

Highly recommend dollar tree bins and chalk stickers for organization when it comes to kids sharing a room. It adds that little bit of separation they may need.

When my boyfriend and I had our two daughters I made it a priority to educate our kids on the importance of having a tidy home with items we like. Disclaimer: I had the seasonal decor and fast fashion pieces that didn’t actually make me happy. Those items were just some I liked at the time. Nevertheless, I would go through the toys and clothes they outgrew because babies and toddlers do play with different things. This thought is what I stressed to my boyfriend every time because I thought it would help him get on board. P.s. it still hasn’t. It has been a battle of me wanting to declutter (especially during the kid’s birthday and Christmas season) and him wanting to not throw out anything.

This holiday season left me in shock as I prepared the girls to go through their toys on their own. My plan was to lay everything out and they’d decide what they wanted or didn’t want to keep. I was pleasantly surprised that they got rid of three items. Which two will be going to the child of a friend of mine. I honestly didn’t think they’d get rid of anything because they freaked when I told them they’ll have to go through their things after the holidays. Once everything was put in its place they seemed happy and accomplished.

What I realized when I looked at my growing kiddos is, if you plant the seed it will blossom. What horrified me was this can be done in a negative way. (I definitely had a hand in my overly anxious daughter because I was so scared something would happen to her. First kid problems?) Our kids need the structure and attention to learn how to take care of their stuff so when they are older it doesn’t come as an overload of problems.

I planted the seed of decluttering and they used it where they saw fit. They made sure every toy had a home and were pleased with their outcome. I couldn’t of asked for the decluttering to go smoother. I look forward to conversations and projects with these kids of mine as we navigate being more eco-conscious and mindful of what we bring into our lives. Physically and mentally.

In the morning we will rise again.

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